So MUCH!!!!

So i know that the last time i wrote was a month ago. I am so entirely sorry for that. I have been so busy with things in my life lately that i haven't really been home much with free time to do this. I will give you a quick shot with everything and give as much detail as my mind will allow for right now.

So what has happened since last time i wrote even? I lost my job and went looking for a new one. I had one promising one and i called back on it and still haven't heard anything. I have more job news later. Then on the 14th? I think that was the day.... anyway i went on a plane with my two sisters to LA with, to meet up with my dad and grandma for the TWILIGHT RED CARPET PREMIERE. We weren't actually going to that though till the 17. The trip for me was not all that exciting. My favorite part was going to my cousins birthday party, the day at the beach and going through the flee market, and the red carpet. Though the red carpet was not my most fun part of the whole trip. My favorite part was the beach. We went to VENICE beach and just walked up and down the boardwalk. Grandma and dad hated it with all the strange (to them who are not used to ragae or "black people" music as grandma would put it) music. They didn't recognize all the "SMELLS" as well. Me and Brook know them from school and the pot/weed that gets passed around all the time. There where performers that my sisters and i wanted to watch but got pulled away from cause my racist family members didn't want us near them. I had fun looking at all the shops and me being the shopaholic (as my friends say) i did a SMALL amount of shopping. The red carpet itself was not all i dreamt it would be but it was. I thought it kinda would have been more glamourus than it really was. I got to be in the V.I.P. section because i was in the show. When the stars showed up the crowd got pushy and so did security. If you don't push back you don't get your chance. I was lucky and saw some of the people from set that i worked with and called them over. They took pictures with me and signed stuff for me. The girl who was standing next to me tried to reap benefits from my chances and they all turned her down cause i was on set and i was a speacial person to them. I didn't get pictures with everyone that i wanted to and i am still trying to work on some things like an autograph from some, but in my free time, which i have none of at the moment. We got shuffled into the "non celebrity" theather while the celebs got put into the other one across the street from us. We were in the Bruins and they where in the FOX. The movie started and screaming of course... I was slightly disappointed in the speed that the movie took and that they didn't take enought time to emphasise the main points and emotional aspects of some vary important relationships. I basically knew and had seen the whole movie from different clips that had leaked out onto the web before hand so nothing really was new or surprising to me that much. I will tell you that you should go see it cause i am, repeat, I AM IN THE MOVIE!. I am in the last two minutes of it on the top right hand corner. If you know where to look then you will see me and recognize me.

When i got home from the trip (that was a MAJOR high light of the trip, coming home to see mom) we got an article in the paper about twilight from grandma. We went to the station to see if we could get a hard copy and talked to a lady there who sent us to a reporter and then when they found out i was in the movie they interviewed me. The next day they called to meet us at the house to take some pictures. So we did it all and enjoyed it! They said that it would appear in the paper that next day (thursday the 20) I was planning on going to the midnight showing with grandma, grandpa, mom, sisters, cousin, and her friend. The paper put it up that day to help promote the movies opening at midnight that night. I thought the article was going to be a small little thing on the inside and thursday morning when i woke up i had like 8 texts, 3 calls, and 6 emails telling me that i was on the front page with a huge picture and that there was more on the inside as well. As the day went on i received more and more of each. I was so excited. So that night we went to the movie and i saw friends there as well. I enjoyed the movie the second time the best out of all the timeS i have seen it. Friday morning came and i got more and more messages. That night Jake wanted to see it so he came and took me out for a special celebrity dinner. That makes it 3 times in one week all on opening day and week before. Also friday morning i woke up with more messages telling me that i was on the news. They had more pictures of me on set and different things. I got online to check emails and there was one on myspace from the newscaster who did the story. She had written me at 4 AM. to tell me she was going to mention me in the news. She didn't ask to take pictures from my sight that i had up but she did it anyway. She also wanted me to be interviewed so i called her and agreed for them to come. Later that day they came and did it all in like 5 mins. As soon as i came in from that mom told me that "Make A Wish" had called and got mad at us for talking to the press about my wish. That is not normal for them to do that and usually they encourage advertisement. We still don't know why but we can't talk to the media anymore about my wish, and that upsets me because one of my happiest moments in my life so far and i can't share it? That is totally not fair!!!!!!!!!

Anyway onto other things So lets see now we are in december, Oh wait Thanksgiving was great. It was the first one with out football. My grandpa sat and played a game with us all day instead and it was really fun to spend time with him like that! I really really enjoyed that! Now to december so we went shopping on black friday and i spent 200$ on movies and i got over 30. Some are for the holidays though as gifts. But still i was happy and proud of myself. Tuesday the 2nd mom called me and told me that there was a job open for me at mervyn's and i took it. The pay is 15 an hour and i am helping to get all the samples from HQ ready to sell. IT'S A MESS! AND A HEADACHE AS WELL AS A BODY ACHE!!!!!! Don't leave a man to do a womans job unless he knows darn well what he is doing! That's all im going to say about that right now. But so im stressing cause i get up at 5:30 to take Brook to seminary come straight home and TRY to get some sleep (hard to do with thumper upstairs trying to break through the flooring) then at 8:30 i get up and go to work. I would like to go to work earlier but the boss wont let me! We are being slave driven and only get one break other than lunch. I am taking my laptop with me to try and get work done for school but it doesnt work. By the time i get to it i have to go right back to work on the clothes.... When i get off at 5:30 i run straight home, LITERALLY inhale my food and run out the door at 6 to get to school by 6:30. Most the time i am late with that whole process. After school and by the time i am home its 10. I need to check emails and do what ever homework i can. So i end up going to bed at like 11 maybe 12, just to get up and do it all again the next day.! I am stressing big time because the next two weeks are FINALS! (scream with frustrations) I not only have the tests but homework, and lots of extra credit i need to do and actual studying for the first time really this whole semester. This all needs to be done by Tuesday of next week. I am busy working weekends as well cause the sale starts on sunday! SO you know what that means NO FREE TIME. So if i am running around like my head cut off and angry or even mean for the next week, I am sorry! It's honestly not you! But anyway i have spent a half hour on this because it's something that was nagging at me and i needed to do. Now it's all writen out i can forget it all and focus better on other things.

Sleep well and talk to you later!
issue 19 12-5/6-08

Bad day Turned good!

So TWILIGHT is getting closer and closer! It comes out NOVEMBER 21!!!! got that? NOVEMBER 21. I play the PROM QUEEN! No speaking lines just a glimpse if that. I have been looking for a sweater thing similar to the one i wear in the movie. I have searched and searched. Monday as i was leaving a childrens clothing store from getting an application i spotted a silver jacket. I stopped and backed up to take a peak. I can wear some of the things in this store but not anything more than like cami shirts. There where like five of these left. One happened to be xxl and so i thought "what the heck, i have been searching. Where else will i find it." It fit, so i baught it! THANKS JUSTICE! You made my day Now i can go to the movie looking similar to the way i do in the movie! Yippee !!!! AGAIN NOVEMBER 21!!! I want to go to the midnight showing of it but haven't found tickets for that yet. I have seen tickets for other showings but i want the midnight one... Anyone seen them? Anyone help me find them? I want to go buy some of the shirts and things that HOT TOPIC has for twilight. I have a wish list from the store. I was looking for one close by. Where is that near me? Help?

Anyway the job search has started this week after i spent the whole first week off with jake, playing tennis, helping him put stuff in storage. Dropping him off at the bus station. I am missing him now. We have talked every day since we started dating. Like thousands of times a day. With this new job. He cant text, only talk on the phone. BUT, both of us are on limited minutes. SO, that means i have to wait till after nine when he could just wait till after seven. Today was our first real day of him actually working though and it was slightly nerve wracking! I knew this was going to be hard on us both but i didn't realize how much i would worry. I woke up like every morning with a wake up message he leaves on my phone. I tried to respond to it and got no reply so all through the day i kept it up. I thought he would have to take a break once in a while to go pee or something like that. The first time i heard from him was in the middle of my class. He finally got back to me. I was so relieved when i got that text and he tried calling. I really care about this man. He takes good care of me. He is good to me. He can tell when somethings not right with me and he talks to me about it and we work things out. We communicate and work well with each other. He knows EVERYTHING i think, in my life. That is the role of a best friend. He is my best friend and more. To me a best friend knows everysingle thing and you trust them with it all. A boyfriend is someone you just tell the big things to and are kissy kissy with. Yes i have kissed him. So he plays both roles. He cares about how i feel about things and asks for my input on dicisions. For those of you who have not yet met him and seen how he is, i hope someday you will get to. Anyway back to my main stream here. I worry that some thing might go wrong. How would i know? No phone call responses or anything. BUT i understand he cant always and so i just have to be patient and wait. I am going to learn that a lot over the next few weeks and months.

With all this time im finally trying to get all the things done i didnt have time to do before hand, now. I cleaned my room big time! I cleaned up my computer a bit (still working on it) Learning how to use my camera. Learning to make and buy my own food (things that arent microwaved). emails i have been neglecting, Oh and homework i have and still am needing to do and keep on. Movie time is starting to increase a bit too. SAVING MONEY! I have had a steady income since i started working and so i could afford to buy just about every meal of the day and more some. Now i am not spending hardly as much. Saving money is good!

Everyone is entitled to a bad day here and there. Today wasn't a best day but it wasn't the worst either. It was a mediocre day, well till you sit down to think about your life and everything in it. Then that becomes the make or breaking point of the day, for most people. The tiny things that brighten your day with out you even knowing. With me not having a job now, and Jake temporarily gone while he is doing his training (for a month!) I have a whole bunch of time to let that smack me in the face with the realization that i need to pay attention more! I have a whole day for my mind to play games on me. Yesterday i sat and watched a candle burn for most the day. Today i played with my camera and worked a bit on my computer. I did a job interview that seems promising, on Monday. We have to see if it will work out though.... school is going to complicate that if i change from crummy night school to going during the day. You can very easily get depressed, but to counter that you can also very easily be intertained by thinking of all the things to be thankful for. Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm starting my list now. I was writing a letter tonight after school, updating a friend on the craziness that seems to run my life. (no serious complaints just yet) I started with the big news of no job and wound down to the good and exciting things we all where doing. Brook and boys at school, Brylee and the drama of junior high. Fighting over the phone for the teenage thing. All the big main events in each of our lives. The good right now is overpowering the negative so that means we are great.

"As a whole life is good and wonderful. I thank god every night for the chance i had to live that day and make my mark in history some how. I am so glad to be alive, even on the bad and terrible days. You have to have bad days to make the good days so much more enjoyable, and worth so much more! I know that there is a god who makes all things possible and is there when we need him. We take so many things for granted and dont really take the time of day to just sit there and take it all in. Watching a candle burn and think about the chemicals in it and why it burns or watching leaves fall off a tree, wondering if they talk to each other or have thoughts like we do. "I'm falling, my time with this tree is over, I must move on!" I imagine they do but some time i hope to find out the answer. I am thankful for my trials. They make me who i am and stronger. Not many teenagers or even adults for that matter have the knowledge and wisdom in the things that i do. I'm not saying im smarter just that my smarts are different from most people. I am thankful for my friends and my family who deal with me in my bad times but that they are there to help lift me up and for me to help lift them up when needed."

What are you greatful for? Give me a list of things you are thankful for, or things you could not live with out, The tiny things in live that make that terrible day become an ok day. You can give me that list and any other answers to questions i have asked by commenting on my page, email, or how ever you find a way to do so. Have a wonderful day and be thankful that you are breathing!

Issue18 11-5-08

Lots to talk about and not enough time!

Yeah Lots has been going on but i have been so busy and stressed out that i haven't had the time or the desire to get it all out there on the web. Those who i talk to in person better know and understand. But here i go with trying....
So my boss left and after that basically all the top management people left as well. Then there have been a couple of close days here at work where people thought we were going to walk out that day and it was going to be the end of it all. This last Friday was that day for a lot of people. There is a wind down crew of about 90 people. My mom being one of them. They where originally told they could be there till February. Friday those who where left in the building at lunch time went to a meeting only to hear the the C.E.O. and C.F.O. of the company were resigning. So there was no management at all. So as of Friday last week i have been unemployed. I think it would be alright but the economy SUCKS! Not too many places are hiring and so im like kinda depressed because i need the income to pay for the things i need. I do have health insurance till December so that is good but i think i should get on my own. I really feel that i need to do my own thing. and I think this is the time to do it. I just don't want to because i don't think i can afford to do all these things that are now being laid on me as an adult. I want to be that, don't get me wrong. I just hoped things would kinda be eased into a bit, instead of thrust apon me. But it's life and i can't control that so im trying to do my best and remain happy!

Friday we were also told that the creditor commity is trying to force Mervyn's to take chapter 7 Bankruptsy. If they do that, no one gets paid for the last two weeks (that is still left) and they dont get Cobra, severence, vacation pay. Actual employees of Mervyn's can do unemployment. I can't. We find out this Thursday or Friday the results of the court hearing that has the final desicion. Please keep us in your prayers that it will all work out and me and mom can both find close jobs that are good.

Anyway It's Halloween time around here and on any free time i had up to this point i was going out with Jake to parties with our church Singles Ward. This next week he will be leaving for a bit to do a new job. It's something thats needed but we are both dreading it. I don't want to be alone again, I know i can do it, i Just don't like it. I will be supportive cause it's something he wants and needs for income so ill go with it but it will definatly make or brake things. But on my first free day with nothing to do work wise i need to go and get things done to help mom and start looking in the work force. So i'll talk to you later!

Issue 17 10-28-08

bad days happen!

So i was hopping with a slight hope that i would be keeping my job since i made it past the first cuts at work. Yesterday i was working away, looked behind me for a moment and saw my entire group of coworkers gathered in the isle way behind me talking. I had my music on so i didn't know that they where there. I took the headphones out and started sneakily listening in to what was happening. My main boss was telling people she is leaving. Two minutes later i found out why. Mervyns if filing chapter 7 for bankruptsy. That means we have limited amount of time here. So this is all fine that if it was just me losing my job, I can get a new one part time at a store or something till i leave. IF I LEAVE NOW... Mom is losing her job as well. This means that we lose all her benefits! HEALTH INSURANCE!!!! Yeah that means we have to find out what to do with me. The companies that will accept my prexisting wont take me cause i am currently making too much. But now im jobless in a sence it wont matter much so that opens some more windows for me. im going to have to pay for my car insurance i just paid for yesterday and tuition, and now health insurance all on the money i have saved up. I dont have a lot considering all my expenses now.

To make matters worse, on my way to school yesterday i sorta bumped into the back of someone as i was driving. I gave her my information and was so shook up afterwards i went to the institute building across the street from school and just sat there for the night instead of calling my mom and worrying her or going home. I got home and told her but im still worried that the lady will call the insurance company and i dont want thtat first because rates will be sky high for me and my good deal mom got me will be gone. The damage was not even that bad. Minor scrap maybe on the bottom of her back bumper. Not even a week after getting it i hit somone. I felt like such a bad person and irrisponsible last night. I still feel bad and well im trying to focus on the bigger issues at hand for the moment.

I am sitting at work right now. No one out of the people who still are working here are here yet. So im all alone by myself on the entire floor basically. The only other person is mom i think. I will update you all later with the details of when i am officially done here!

WISH ME LUCK WITH EVERYTHING. Keep me in your prayers as well as my mother!

Issue 15 10-17-08

ALL GOOD!!!

LOTS GOING ON!
My trip was fun! I was waiting in the lobby for my plane to leave on friday morning and two people from singles ward walked up and we ended up sitting next to each other. They where both translating for conference. Zack was there to pick me up and took me to downtown salt lake for some stops i wanted to make. At one of them we were just getting ready to leave and up comes the guy on the plane. We just briefly said hi again and went on our ways. So the first thing i did in Utah was go shopping! I had a gift card from the H that i had never used and so i went and got some shirts. Then we made our way down to HAZEL'S. That was where i stayed the weekend. Friday after getting there i was slightly tired so we put a movie in and i started to fall asleep till it was time to go to a wedding shower. I saw some people that didn't even know they where talking to me. They thought i was my sister. I then took off across the street for a few mins so i could go see a friend. I have missed being in the area with the good guys. Then after the shower Hazel and I went to the dollar theater. I miss cheap movies there! I got home and then i forget what else i did, but i didn't go to bed till like 12:30 everynight. Saturday morning i woke up and watched conference. After that Hazels grandkids where over and so i played with them till my kids who i used to nanny came to take me to lunch. After lunch it was girls night while all the guys went to priesthood. Sunday morning i was woke up early by kids running around and i missed that. I went over to Sarah Purcells house and talked to her for a bit, catching up on time. Then Zack got me and took me to conference. I was actually in the converence center. I forget what it's like to look at someone dressed and almost know exactly for fact that the person is mormon. That just about everyone around you is. In Utah it's a normal thing to hear something about young womens or stake president... so many other church things, while your out to dinner. When i got home from that Hazel said i could take her car and drive around a bit to see some friends. So i took it and got in the rest the people i wanted to see in that i could. Monday morning i woke up to my alarm and slept through the whole night. Some friends had a breakfast planned for me with some friends from the ward. Then after that i went out with my old young womens leader and we drove past my old houses. Makes me thankful mom tried so hard to keep things looking nice around that house. Ann took me out to find me a new journal. The one i have is almost done and so she wanted to get one for me. Then i went back to Hazels and waited for zack. We met up at the airport and hazel handed me off to zack to take me to my gate!
I went shopping in the airport and almost missed my plane cause they started boarding early.

So that was my trip. This week has been an interesting one for sure! This week at work they let go hundreds of people because of the bankrupsy. They just said go in this room for further instruction. If you where sent to this one room, your number was up. My mom and I both still have our jobs but the tention is not yet over. We still could lose them this next week. Keep an eye out for anything thats related.

Something else this week that has changed my life forever now! I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE!
On my first day with it i wanted to drive around so on my date with Jake i drove. He is sweet. He ordered flowers online for both me and my mom. Then he had them specially packaged and sent to our appartment. When we got home they where waiting there for us. Anyway it's late and the thoughts i origianally wanted to put down this week i have forgotten and at the moment am too tired to think. So ill talk to you later!

issue 15 10-10-08

Long time! and Trip

Ok so i guess things have been pretty calm and good since i noticed that i haven't writen since the 16th. Updating you on things coming up and going on and then a message of feelings i have noticed as well.

So school is going good. Its exam time for all my classes. I think i did well on my health class one. My astronomy one i take this week. Im nervous because the chapters have just kind of flown over my head. My sign language class is the BEST! I'm loving it. I have conversations with myself when i'm at work or home. No one else around me knows it real well. My church friends all know a little and so im teaching Jake again so we can talk and he can help me. Speaking of Jake, we are doing fantastic. He is going to be part of the topic im talking about tonight. Work is crazy and there has been rumors of the company going under. We as the employees are worried cause they have told us that they wouldn't till us till the last day that we needed to leave. People are debating about getting new ones or waiting till its needed. I am worried because if mom loses or gets a new job, i might not be covered by her insurance. So we are taking a look into things to see what i can do to pay for myself. I think and feel that it would be best for me to be paying my own things. It's expensive and some what frightening to think that i need to keep a job now to pay for things i NEED. In the week that i lost my job it was scary. I was hoping i could get back so i could get money. I need to have something to fall back on and have that safety net to catch me in hard times. Im starting out good in this aconomy and right now i have no concern for how much i spend cause i have had that background and money to use. I am saving up and have no particular thing im waiting for right now. Anyway enough talk about money and life with that. ahaha But work is busy as heck. We are like over a month behind. We hired on a girl to help us catch up but she talks to us so much of the time that she is making us fall farther behind. Then lots of the stores send in the media super messy and it slows us down like a lot. It ends up taking us 2 to 3 times longer doing one box. The one big thing that i have been excited about but couldnt talk about is coming up this weekend! I am leaving on a plane friday morning to utah. I will be going by myself and will be there till monday. I will be going to conference on sunday for the first time with a friend of mine. I will be living with my adopted family there. I have missed somuch. Ok so now time for the interesting thoughts...

Friends are those who you are around most the time. They are what ends up defining the person you are. I have had good friends and bad friends. Friends that made me unhappy (and enevitably lost that friendship) they where too much into making it known that they where having a bad day. I started to complain all the time and be a pain for mom. My best of friends have been in the church. They have been possitive and uplifting. They care about me and not focussing on them. They want to do things that i find fun and intertaining instead of getting drunk and doing drugs. So when you hang out with certain people you end up becoming like them. They rub off on you. I have always enjoyed the way i have been able to be myself and clean and happy with my mormon friends. But there is one relationship i have that i haven't had before. They're someone with the same out look on life and same hopes. With other friends and close ones like this one i have not felt like i needed to something myself. I felt that things in my life where good and i was in a sense perfect with the ideas of what a friend needed to be and that i was close to that. With this friend Jake, It's different. I wanted to be around him at first because he wasn't like the other guys here in the area. Gang banger wanna be's, he is good with his church calling and loves having the presthood. This friend helps me with the tiny things like making sure i eat less sugar for my health. He wants me to be healthy. In taking time to have fun and getting to know him, I have had a change. This friend has rubbed off onto me in a way i havent had ever. There is a change inside that is amazing. I want to be a better person. I want to help this friend with all i can. I want to be that thing that is not a bad temptation. I want to be a good influence for. I want to be a grown up responsible person now. I want to be the person i am supposed to be. I feel so precious and fragile. He opens every door for me, pulls my chair out for me. I am so happy with the relationship i have. I help him, he helps me. We work together on our differences and talk about things. We are a team. I am letting you know how special he is to me. I know how special i am to him. Have you found that friend that makes you want to be better? if not why? or do you think that you have and just haven't realized it? Think about it and enjoy your week. I'll be getting ready for my trip and school. talk to you all later..

Issue 14 9-28-08

haha FORGOT!

The whole reason for the last blog i didn't mention. I was talking to the teachers at the H and the group who worked with me on the movies i was in and made, where there. One lady wants me to make another one and so i think im going to do it. There is some more opportunities opening up for me right now and it feels wonderful. I love the camera! lol

got to go now for real ill get back to you all later.

Issue 13 9-16-08

Another movie??

So the update on things this week. I went to the H last Thursday to do a whole bunch of tests. I did sight, breathing, blood, heart test, and some more. I know no results of any of them other than the sight test. I am good to go on that one. Anything out of the normal i don't think really happened this last week. Yesterday was my grandfathers birthday so we went to dinner and then had a cake at their place. It was fun spending time with them. I saw a happy side of my grandpa come out yesterday. Today i went to the dentist earlier and they said that i have a perfect mouth except that i need one filling cause i couldnt floss all year long. So they made an appointment for me to go back in an hour and do that. Also they said IT'S TIME TO PULL THE WISDOM TEETH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
RUN FOR THE HILLS!

I am not looking forward to that cause im going to start paying for just about everything now and well thats not the most exciting thing to start paying for. Also they horror stories i have heard make me not want to do it either.

This weekend im so excited. I am going to a baptism for not one but two close friends of mine. They are sisters and we met at camp and have a similar circle of friends. I am so happy for them and i am going to support them in that. Afterwards there is a dance for the youth group im in now and Jake and me are going to go to that.

One thing that has happened in the last week i can't offically announce yet. But a lot of people already know and it's hard to keep this contained. So i will spill the beans slightly. I will be taking a trip by my self for a few days. I can't disclose the location on here but it's going to be fun. The whole thing is basically planned already and i can't wait. Ill give more hints or details to it later as the time gets closer.

issue 12 9-16-08

Weekend!

Ok so where to start? My weekend was rather easy and laid back but yet again i was hardly home. Friday the family did a camp out thing at a park for the ward. We got there shortly after work and got all set up. Had dinner and then the scouts did their program for us. After wards those who weren't sleeping over left and the rest of us did what ever. I had to go to the bathroom and refused to use the porta potty, so Brook had said that there was a working one down the way a bit with lights and everything so i took a friend with us and half way there in the dark we freaked cause we heard something. We turned around and ran back as fast as we could. Then we still wanted a potty and so we made her brother come with us so that we had a man with us. (not always the best thing or most brave of people) We were standing just inches away from the barn door for the bathrooms and we heard something again. Al turned his light tward it and saw two eyes hovering above the ground at about knee hight. He started in a paniced voice "I see eyes" and then his words flew... we got scared and he was willing to go in the bathroom with us, but we were all scared of comming back out. Barb was already running and that made our minds up. We all started running while al was pulling his girlfriend in front and told us that we would be the bait. We (barb and i) looked at each other and pushed our legs faster. we got a head of al and were screaming panic. Al thought it would be funny to start howling like a dog and then he started barking as well. All us girls turned on him and barb threatened to beat him up. She is bigger than he is and stronger as well, she could cream him. She punched him in the arm seriously and told him never to do that again. Later that night after we had run all the way back to the camp area i was sitting with some guys listening to music and talking. It was like 1am or 1 30 am and we were sitting at the tables out in the open with all the open food sitting on the tables surrounding us. The fresh smell of smores still lingering in the smoke of the dimming fire. We heard howling and it was a pack of cyotes. The sound was coming from the left where all the cars where. My car (where i would be sleeping that night) was in the front of the line, the first car facing these dogs. I freaked out and said "ok boys thats my cue to go to bed im not sleeping out here tonight and i need some help getting to my car! Take me up there please?" These boys are sweet and good to girls and they both walked me up there and made sure i was snug in my car with the door locked and shut. As they walked away i turned on my headlights to frighten them away and see if i could see them. Blinding against the trees i couldn't see anything. Just the reflecting light off the trees. It was cold and my family had taken the sleeping bag that was meant for me and put it in the tent. Why im not really sure but i had nothing in the car with me to keep me warm. I just cuddled myself and tried to fall asleep. Three am came along and i woke cause i still had not gone to the bathroom. I was still frightened to get out of my car so i had my phone and i was the only one who had service up at this spot. I called my mom (she has the same phone as me so she had service too!) and woke her up. "Mommy can you come get me? I need to go potty and i am too scared to get out of my car alone. I really need to go, i havent gone all night long." With a tired iritation she agreed and i sat there looking for her and watching her aproach me. I jumped out the car and we practically ran down the hill to the porta potty. We heard something in the bushes on the way and i ran after that. The door to the potty i left open so i could see and keep an eye out for what might be coming my way. I ran up to the campsite and was going to get the sleeping bag. I jumped and yelped cause a scurrying skunk was running from the site. I ran to the car after that and slept so well in my car. Nice and toasty. Saturday afternoon i took a shower only to return to the same park to go on a hike with Jake. We did the hike, watched the sun set, took me to dinner, went shopping for us both, and that was our night. Sunday was church, break the fast, and then a display at the temple. Nice time to talk and just enjoy being together. Thats my weekend and break time is far over so i need to go and hope you all have a good day!

Issue 11 9-7-08

weekend out!

Sunday as soon as i got out of church Jacob took me home and we left for our trip. We got there to the hostal and alm0st drove off a cliff trying to find the parking lot. We turned around and found the right place. Getting situated we decided to go find a place for dinner. We drove around town and found a Japanese sushi place. Mom usually gets mad at us for being like a dog and licking our plates in the privacy of our own home but mom sat there inhaling her sushi and finally picked the little dish up and spooned all of it in her mouth. It was soo funny to watch her do that and go on eating like a little child. But so when dinner was done we went back to the hostel and got the cards out to play in the main room there. We got so hyper me and my sisters. I was a goof ball of major intensity. Finally we decided to go to bed so that we could get up in time for the tide pools in the morning. We got to the room, mom fell to the bed, while us girls sat there laughing and making a bunch of noise. Mom told us to turn the lights out and be quiet. Once we did that it was dead silent untill like midnight when we became the walking dead, Or talking dead in this case. Mom saw brylee sitting up in her bed and finally went over to ask her why she was sitting up. Brylee then said "what are we doing now moma?" Mom "we're sleeping now bry" bry "oh ok, Thanks" Then she layed back down in her bed. she was asleep) Later on in the night we were all talking in our sleep but brook was the only one that mom could hear and remember. She was talking about sneaking out the window with a boyfriend. Yeah thats moms fear!!! The tide pools where cool. I took lots of pics and we found really cool shells. Then we spent the rest of the day in the beach by the hostel. There where cops there when we got back and they where looking for a missing kiacker. No news of if they found him or not. When we got back home to grandmas for dinner we all took naps we were so tired. I still am tired and like want to sleep now on break, but its over so my story time is as well.

I have class tonight and im excited. Ill talk to you all later!

Issue 10 9-2-08

Celebration!

Ok just to inform you all. Yesterday we were having a birthday party to celebrate the year anniversary for my marker of last treatment. I thought grandma, grandpa, and Jake were going to be the only ones. Jake called me and i went to go get him. When we walked back into the house there was a bunch of people there. Then i realized who it was. It was my teacher who had spent a year or more with me through the ending of stuff. His family had come as well. Then grandma and grandpa where there as well and they where all looking at me and i was juper surprised. My sisters made my cake and it was a carmel cake and it was super good!. We all sat there talking and the kids started playing games and ithen we did pictures and started my movies that i had made while i was in the H. As like a review of everthing i had been through.

Today after church we are going to a hostal in half moon bay. We are going to spend the night and just hang out there on the beach for today and tomorrow for the holliday. I am so excited and ill talk to you all later and give you the low down of whats going to happen.

Issue 9 8-31-08

Judgment of classes

Yes i talk too much about my life sometimes, but hey i'm a teenager-adult. I like to share what's going on in my life specially since it's exciting!. I can now give you my thoughts about how i'm going to die this semester. I started my sign language class today and i LOVED IT! The teacher is super nice, patient, fun, and deaf. Communicating with her is slightly difficult just cause of the barrier. But she tries hard and is very patient with us. I will like this class i think!. I get out of her class at 8:30. So i'm with her for two hours.
Then tomorrow is my astronomy class. I have some friends in the class. Only one of them i knew about before class started. The teacher is old and seems very nice as well. He is patient, and helpful. I like the subject and he seems to be making it fun. My neck might hurt in the class from looking at the ceiling all night long but it's still going to be fun. I think that this class is fun cause half of it is online and you get to do a lot of looking at discs of information with lots of pics. I have his class for three hours and get out at 9:30.
Thursday is my health class. She has a monotone voice, is nice, and talks really slow. She likes to give us lots of information that we don't really need. So far in the class i am REALLY bored. Talking about being healthy and eating right and exercising. I have had that for the last two years in the H (H from this point on means the hospital). I had my homework done before we left her room that night. I get out of her class after three hours as well, getting out at 9:30 as well. I think this will be the least fun class that is going to drive me nuts.
So now i have given you my thoughts at the end of this all we will take a look at the journey and judge again and see if my guesses where right.

If you have any questions for me about anything please feel free to ask me and just shoot me up an email. You can subscribe to my blog on the left hand side of the page. If you have questions you want to post on the page to a comment to my entry.

Also i would like some feed back from my readers to certain things so ill try and ask questions every once in a while for you to respond to. If you have ideas for me to express upon as well notify me.

What was your favorite part of school?
What years where your favorite? High school, junior high, elementary, college...
What was your favorite subject in school that you ever took.

Sleep well my readers, I am absolutely exhausted and going to hit the pillow so im not late for work again tomorrow.

Issue 8 8-26-08

Medical update

Ok so i am on break at work and only have limited time to update this. But yesterday i had an apointment to do the YEAR MARK! testing. I was going to do everything but when we got there they told us that half the stuff we needed to do at a later time and that one of our appointments had been canceled with out us knowing. They did a blood test and then on the way out for the day the doc stopped us to tell us that they didn't get all the blood work that they needed so we had to hurry and go get it done. This one test is a time sensitive thing that needs to be done before 11:30 so we went running down the hall (11:27) to get it done. They ended up doing the same tests that they had done earlier as well.



I don't know the results of anything yet so don't ask me, I will let you all know when i find it out! Next month or even later.



So this weekend is the year mark from my last treatment and we are going to go to half moon bay Sunday after church and spending the day there to do the tide pools in the morning. We are going to do a little birthday party at grandmas on saturday night i think. Not sure yet.



School, today i start my sign language class and im looking forward to that. Tomorrow and Thursday i have class as well from 6:30-9:30 at night.



Work is going good just trying to get caught up and keep going.



Everything else is going good! Brook started high school yesterday at my old high school and she is having fun trying to find people. She was really nervous though and i don't blame her! I know what it is she is going into more than anyone in the family. Brylee starts junior high tomorrow so we will see what goes on with that!



I have to go now but ill get back to you all at a later time!



Issue 7 8-26-08

Sisters!!!

My school today was ok. I had Health and the lady talked about eating right and taking care of your body. YEAH RIGHT! I could have walked out of the class right after roll. It started out like in high school. "Lets go around and give each others names and why we are taking the class". The teachers i have met so far are nice older people who take their time talking. Now im thinking that my hardest class will be the sign language one. That is what i originally thought would be the easiest. But i haven't even gotten to the first day of that yet so we will take each day one at a time and go with it.

My sisters are home. They got off the plane and nothing like last time with mom pacing the floor. I layed across her lap this time trying to distract her a bit. Big hugs and happy smiley faces as we walked on our way back to the car. They are going to be getting ready for school tomorrow with mom while im at work. Then afterwards we are doing a movie night with my boyfriend over as well. Im so excited i will have the things i care about all there in the same room. The trio is home now and starting up the act again! anyways its late and i need to get to bed. I fell asleep today on break so yeah i need to get my rest! Night!

Sleep well readers
Issue 6 8-21-08

"First day of school! First day of school!"

Finding Nemo's line was what i was thinking this morning when i got up. I went to school and i probably looked like i had seen a ghost! I was scared of looking like a loser but what is new? I do it on purpose other times so why should it bother me if i do it naturally? I got there and they gave us the wrong class room to go to so we were all sitting there for like a half hour. Then someone came and told us that they found the class and got us. We got there to the right room and the teacher is a gray haired, skinny man, with a soft voice. I knew one of the girls in the class just from looking of pics of my other friends who knew her. She is in my class and then there is another girl who is also named amanda and she lives up by me and is going to give me a ride home from now on. I actually think this class will be fun. Most of it is in the dark, so no one can see me. The teacher seems really nice and most everything he assigns and the notes are all online for an online class that he teaches. It should be a fairly easy class, it seems! Now two months from now we will see. This is my astronomy class and tomorrow i have my health class. and then PICK MY SISSIES UP!

Im hecka tired and need to start out right! So nice, short and sweet tonight!

Sleep well readers!
Issue 5 8-20-08

Twilight info and school!

So many of you have heard or read i bet that the HARRY POTTER movie has been changed to come out next summer. Because of that it has also changed the date for TWILIGHT to come out. They have changed it to November 21st. I can't wait!!! I want to go to the midnight showing of it and so im looking for a group to go with too! One of my friends usually takes like 20 30 people. I am hoping we can get a big group but that means that i need help with looking for tickets. My guess is that they are going to be sold out with in minutes of coming out.

School starts tomorrow for me and i start at 6:30 pm after work. I will be in astronamy. I will be taking three classes a week after work, Starting on tuesday(after next week) and going till thursday. Tuesday i will be taking signlanguage, Wednesday is astronamy, Thursday is health. I am so nervouse about starting school that i had a night mare the other night that i was getting into fights at school. Im terrified right now to go back after two years and i think it would have been better to start at high school but i don't know. We will see how it goes but i know im super duper nervous about the whole thing.

This Thursday the girls are coming home! I can't wait! I have missed them so much. A whole summer with not seeing them and i am BORED! It will be annoying to have to go through the adjusting that they do from living with dad to being with mom. They always come back iritated all the time. I will be no more of an only child. (till the next time someone has the bright idea of making them go out there again) anyways as of this week so far things are doing ok just nervous about school, happy for my sisters, happy to be having fun with my friends.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Issue 4 8-19-08

Bonfire!

So the thought that i had in my head about what a bonfire was going to be like was a little bit different from what actually happened. I had never been to one before and i thought that they would have a HUGE fire going and some games and stuff. I thought that it would be easy to find this place too! On the way out there we got lost because the exit that we were looking for was the wrong one. So we ended up needing to back track a ways. We finally got on the right road and found the proximity of the designed location. We parked and got out walking along the wet, dark, brown sugar sand; finding its way under our feet and creeping into our shoes, squishing between our toes. We stumbled around hand in hand trying to find the group. We walked from one side to the other, intertwining ourselves in between the different fires, looking for familiar faces. We walked to the edge of the designated area for fires and decided to find a bathroom. We then called a friend to find out where the group was. She wasn't even there yet so we decided just to go stand on the beach. The wind was blowing cool moistness onto our backs and into our hair. It felt like a misty shower soaking my clothes and everything not blocked from it. After a while, the group we were suspicious about grew bigger and bigger. More and more people looking to be around our age came in. Laughing and talking. My butt pocket started vibrating lightly so i grabbed the pocket cover and lifted it to answer the vibration. The voice coming from my phone was saying that the group of impossible size blocking the fire view was our group. We knew which group just cause we were on the other side of it as the lady on the phone. We met up and exchanged hand shakes, introducing each others dates. Then we mingled in with the rest of the gatherers and my hand was lifted to shoulder height and we started dancing slightly, rotating around, taking turns blocking the flying mist. The night ended with me smelling like a camp fire and moist with the brown sugar coating of the sand, on my feet. We walked to the car and made our way home. That is how our bonfire was. I enjoyed the entire night, with the outcome being a little different from what my expectations where.

Issue 3 8-17-08

First date!

Ok so i got picked up from work today by this guy and my mom met him and we went to the movie but on the way i sorta got us lost, going on a wrong street. I told him i knew where i was going, (i really did, just mistaken a road with another one) So we got to the movie and walked in. We were like the only ones in there basically. Shortly after the movie started he grabbed my hand and wrapped the other one behind my shoulders hugging me tightly. When he laughed it shook me and when i laughed the same to him. Afterwards we went and got him dinner before he had to leave for work. But yeah the night was fun. I felt very good and comfortable with who i was and i didn't do my stupid klutzy moments that i normally do. I wasn't nervous at all and just cool with the whole thing. But anyway thought that i would shortly inform you about the date!

Issue 2 8-14-08

The new and improved!

Ok so you have been reading one of my other numerous blog pages. This is now going to be the only one! I will not close them, Just not update them that often. This is the main page. Check it often cause this is going to be my journal and hopefully I will write it often. If how ever i say something that offends you I am sorry. I don't mean to be that way, say or even do anything to offend people. Please let me know. I will try and give as much detail to things as my time will allot me. With me starting school here in like a little over a week and working full time it's sorta going to be hard i imagine to get free time. I am also going to try and have a social life in between all that as well. (We will see how that works out though)

So for this being the first one it's going to be rather short and uninformative since i did an update on everything just a few days ago!

The new girl at work (the other temp that was there when I got back to work last week) decided not to go to work today. We were sorta surprised cause all of us know how she complained about needing a job and how hard it was for her to find one that would work with her age.... (not that old, slightly older than my mom). My coworker and I are sorta annoyed with this woman cause she complains all the time about EVERYTHING! She acts like her life is so terrible and it would out beat yours in a second! (If you where doing a contest for the worst life ever) We are still like a month behind in our sorting and hoping that someone good and reliable will come in and help us get caught up. We normally are supposed to be like a week behind to give some leeway, But we are like over a month behind.

School is starting on the 20th and I'm excited to start a new adventure, But terrified, well maybe not that badly, of being in big groups of idiots again. I usually love school for the people interaction but sadly since we moved to Hayward the liking of school has gone down. I go to school to learn amazingly enough and when you have 8 classes of a bunch of door nob's walking around high all the time, it gets slightly irritating. Making friends is something else that i like to do and I like to make friends with people who aren't out to make stupid look "cool". I'm afraid that with me working full time and doing school full time that I'm going to fall behind and be a total mental case with emotions flying all over the place as well for the lack of sleep in my newly become "adventure life".

As for the social part of my life, Now that is something i think and hope are starting to kick up into gear. ( for once it's great where it is and only looks better where it's going) I am yes going to a new church group with people more my own age. I know some friends that got me started on it and they are my rides here and there right now. We do group activities often and it's fun just to finally be out with a group who really knows how to have fun. We are going to do a bonfire on Saturday night in SF! You have NO idea how happy and excited for that I am. I just can't wait at all. I have never been to one and always wanted to. Tomorrow I'm sorta going on a date? I don't know if that is really what to call it for sure or not. But anyway this guy is from my church group and is super nice so far. He is just a few years older than I am and we are going to go to a movie as soon as I get off work. He has to be to work right after the movie so yeah just a movie night.

The family is good, keeping busy that's for sure!. The girls are still with dad, doing the same old thing he always does. Keep them so busy they don't have a normal teenage life of nothing extraordinary. Mom is busy with work stuff right now and reading! Oh yeah so I got the girls started on the "TWILIGHT" series and then we told mom she had to start before the movie came out. Then we got grandma started reading them too! So grandma is reading and reads all day so is done with one book in a day and pushes mom to read faster so she can get reading the next book. I have finished so now its going around the family to be finished. Grandma and grandpa are doing good and keeping busy as well. For us living so close to each other we don't see each other that often anymore with the girls gone. Anyway I feel like i have chatted everyone's ear's off today with all my different side conversations I'm going to melt into the couch and watch a movie on my laptop while the rest of the house is silent.

Have a great day and may happiness follow you! Till next time!
Issue 1 8-13-08